Working From Home Is Leaving This Woman Feeling Alone

A reader who spent her postgraduate years surrounded by friends now finds herself spending days and nights on her own, and says her confidence is draining away as a result. She finished her post-grad more than four years ago and now holds a job she finds fulfilling, but the work is done remotely for an international company where colleagues in Ireland meet in person about once every couple of months.

The arrangement has coincided with changes in her social circle. Some friends have moved abroad to work or travel for a year or two. Others are settling down and having children. She writes that there is no one she can call for coffee or a shoulder to lean on on a Saturday, and that she has no energy left for the effort of making new friends.

She also describes wanting a partner, but says she cannot face online dating at the moment. "I've been bruised in the past and feel that you have to be on top of your game to even considering participating," she writes.

Adviser Trish Murphy responds that the reader's low energy, falling confidence and growing loneliness together signal that a change is needed. Murphy suggests that working remotely from a home where she also lives is contributing to the isolation, and that a role with in-person work could supply contact with colleagues and a sense of belonging.

If changing jobs is not possible, Murphy writes, involvement in something outside of work is essential. She suggests looking back to what the reader loved doing at 16 or 17, and what she admired at that age, to identify interests and traits that may be missing now.

Murphy also recommends building a routine that involves leaving the house early for coffee, going out again at lunch, and paying to attend a class, club or event after work. Volunteering is another option she offers.

On reaching out, Murphy acknowledges that it may be hard to start the conversation. The reader assumes her friends presume she is too busy, given her previously active social life, so Murphy advises telling a few of them plainly that she is struggling. Friends, she writes, can then introduce her to others.

Murphy adds that confidence is the single most attractive aspect of a person, and that as faith in herself returns, so will interest in potential partners. She frames loneliness as a widespread issue, writing that as each person addresses it, the possibility of connection and belonging grows for that person and for others.